D.E.B.S. movie review & film summary (2005)

I have mentioned the pitch more than once because this movie is all pitch. It began as a popular short subject at Sundance, where audiences were reportedly amused by a send-up of the "Charlie's Angels" formula in which the angels were teenagers and one was a lesbian. The problem is, a short subject need only delight while a feature must deliver.

At one point in "D.E.B.S." a team member uses the term "supervillain" not ironically but descriptively, leading to a new rule for Ebert's Little Movie Glossary: Movies that refer to supervillains not ironically but descriptively reveal an insufficient disconnect between the pitch and the story. The rule has countless subsets, such as characters referring to themselves or others as heroes. Best friends who say "I'm only comic relief" are given a provisional pass.

The Charlie figure in the movie is the President of the D.E.B.S. Academy, played by Michael Clarke Duncan, who looks spiffy in a tailored suit and rimless glasses. He gives them their orders, while never asking himself, I guess, how goes the homeland security when bimbos are minding the front lines. For that matter Lucy Diamond (Jordana Brewster), whose middle name I hope is Intheskywith, would rather make love than war, which leads to some PG-13 smooching.

Mrs. Peatree (Holland Taylor), headmistress of the D.E.B.S. academy, asks Amy to turn the situation to her advantage by using herself as bait ("like Jodie did in that movie -- you know the one, what was its name?"). I confess at this point I was less interested in Jodie's filmography than by the news that the D.E.B.S. Academy has a headmistress. I found myself wanting to know more about the academy's school song, lunch room menu, student council and parents' day. ("Janet has perfect scores in lying and cheating, but needs work on her stealing, and is flunking murder.") The uniform is cute little plaid skirts and white blouses, with matching plaid ties

Other notes: I think I heard correctly, but may not have, that one character's "Freudian analysis" is that she suffers from a "dangerous Jungian symbiosis." Now there's a Freudian analysis you don't hear every day. I know I heard correctly when two of the girls share their dream: "Let's pretend we're in Barcelona and you're at art school and I'm renting boats to tourists." The young people today, send them on junior year abroad, they go nuts. I note in passing that the movie quotes accurately from the famous shot in "Citizen Kane" where the camera moves straight up past the catwalks, drops, ropes and pulleys above a stage. For me, that shot was like the toy in a box of Cracker-Jack: Not worth much, but you're glad they put it in there.