The Nothing Fight
Dane Cook Lyrics

Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴  Line by Line Meaning ↴Am i the only person here who loves to watch a couple together that hates each others guts?
That has to be the most entertaining thing when you see two people that just hate each other ..together,
and look we've all been there everybodys been in that situation where you will stay with somebody you dont even like them. Two weeks in and already you like pshh, no way. I cant stand this peroson,
I'll hang around for 5 or 6 years then we can end this thing violantly. I got time. Girls you make the craziest excuses to stay, your friends will try and get you out of it... Why dont you just go? Seriously Jill just go, Jill? He's a jerk off. Just take your shit and go.Your like I cant just go Kim, its not that simple, my cd's are in his truck I can't just walk away from 40 or 50 cd's. Its gonna take 2 or 3 more years of a abuse until I can leave with my cd'sThat couple is the best, they fight over everything. Every little thing- huge explosion. And its not even about the thing, its about
the fact that they wanna stab eachother in the neck with a steak knife because they hate eachother's
existance. They get in what I call nothing fights.
Fights about absolutely nothing. Right, you see them waiting in line for the movie theatre. They hold hands, but its not loving at all. Its like this rigamortis,
romatioid athritis, red rover grip that they got going on. And everything's an arguement. I should probably bring my jacket, I might get cold. You bring your fucking jacket. Ya think. Do ya think?
Yes. What if they're pumpin' AC in there, and then your cold I have to go out and I miss the previews cause I gotta get your fuckin' jacket. Bring your jacket.
I love nothing fights. The best nothing fight I have ever seen in my life. I was at the supermarket a few months ago and I'm going down the aisle and I'm at the Stoffer's Fresh Bread Pizzas, and I'm deciding do I want four cheese or one cheese. Cause sometimes, I like a lot of cheese. Sometimes, I like a dancing pluffera of cheese in my mouth. And then sometimes, I'm into a more solo cheese adventure. Just a single, one on one. Me and one cheese. Then sometimes I want an orgy of cheese on my plate. So as I'm standing there, contemplating my cheese future, I hear the nothing fight going on in the next aisle. I dont know exactly what they are saying, but I hear mumbles and grumbles. Ok. I hear the guy going "grumbles" and I hear the girl she's like [girl voice] "grumbles"care...*more grumbles* care...I dont even care...even more "grumbles"care..[guy] "grumbles"...care. I dont even care *grumbles again* care... I hear the nothing fight. I start getting so excited. I'm like I gotta go watch this, I gotta go see this. I'm so excited I leave my cart. You never leave your cart. God forbid somebody comes into the store and wants exactly that shit. And they're like What. Jackpot. This is everything I wanted. I'm peeking around the Intimate cookies and I'm watching the best nothing fight that I've ever been a part of. They're in eachother's face. Ok, and the guy is saying to the girl and he's doing it like this Do we have any jelly in the house? Do we or do we not have jelly. You said we did last time. I'm looking in the cabinets and I dont see any god damn jelly. I just wanna know if we have any jelly in the house. And she's egging him on, she's like [girl voice] I dont even like jelly. I dont even like jelly. I get hives if I even look at jelly. Wha--I dont even know about jelly. I've never even--What is jelly. I dont even care. And he's like I dont even give a shit about the hives. I want jelly in the fuckin' house. Stat. Pronto. Tonite. I dont give a--I will break your neck and pour jelly all over your body and pray to the gods of jelly to burn your soul in a jelly like hell. Now get the jelly!
I'm so excited, I'm eating the Intimates out of the box. I've opened a box and I am eating.
I'll pay for it. Relax. I know you're concerned, but I paid. This is the point during the nothing fight that I like to get involved.

I have to get involved and I have to say something.
Just a little jab, a little poke that will fuel the fire. And help take it to the next level. As they're going back and forth, I walk buy them, I lean in, and I go like this, hey dude, dude, dude, I know what you mean about the jelly bro. Tell this twat to get jelly. Now.[guy] See, see! Get the jelly-Uh, whats that word again? What, Twat! Good word. Thanks bro. I didnt ev- I forgot about that word. GET THE JELLY TWAT! Great word dude, great word. Twat. Yes.

Overall Meaning

The lyrics to Dane Cook's The Nothing Fight describe the entertaining nature of watching a couple that hates each other fight. Cook pokes fun at the absurdity of staying in a relationship with someone you hate, and the ridiculous excuses people make to stay together. These nothing fights, fights about absolutely nothing, are the best because they are explosive and intense, fueled by pure hatred towards each other's existence. Cook provides an example of the best nothing fight he's ever seen, which occurs in a grocery store over the lack of jelly in a couple's home. The fight escalates to the point where Cook, who is observing from a distance, decides to get involved and encourage the couple to continue fighting.

The Nothing Fight is a humorous commentary on dysfunctional relationships and the absurdity of staying in a relationship that brings nothing but misery. Cook's comedic style is to take everyday situations and exaggerate them to the point of absurdity, which is what makes his observations about relationships so funny. He cuts through the romanticized notions of love and relationships and presents them as they sometimes are, messy, complicated and often, quite ridiculous.

Line by Line Meaning

Am i the only person here who loves to watch a couple together that hates each others guts?
The singer finds it entertaining to watch couples who hate each other and are still together.

That has to be the most entertaining thing when you see two people that just hate each other ..together,
It is entertaining to witness two people together who detest each other.

and look we've all been there everybodys been in that situation where you will stay with somebody you dont even like them.
Everyone has been in a situation where they continue to be with someone they no longer enjoy being around.

Two weeks in and already you like pshh, no way. I cant stand this peroson,
Sometimes, people realize early on in a relationship that they cannot stand the person they are with.

I'll hang around for 5 or 6 years then we can end this thing violantly. I got time.
Despite realizing the relationship cannot last, some people stay in it for years before ending it in a violent manner.

Girls you make the craziest excuses to stay, your friends will try and get you out of it... Why dont you just go?
People make the craziest excuses to stay in relationships despite their friends' attempts to have them leave.

Seriously Jill just go, Jill? He's a jerk off. Just take your shit and go.
Friends may try to encourage their friends to leave their partner who is mistreating them.

Your like I cant just go Kim, its not that simple, my cd's are in his truck I can't just walk away from 40 or 50 cd's.
Some people find it hard to walk away from certain items that they have left with their partner, which is why they stay in the relationship.

Its gonna take 2 or 3 more years of a abuse until I can leave with my cd's
Sometimes, people feel like they need to wait a few years before they have an opportunity to retrieve their belongings and leave an abusive relationship.

That couple is the best, they fight over everything.
The artist finds it amusing to see couples that fight over every little thing.

And its not even about the thing, its about the fact that they wanna stab eachother in the neck with a steak knife because they hate eachother's existance.
The argument is not about the actual thing they are fighting over, but rather it's about their intense hatred for each other.

They get in what I call nothing fights. Fights about absolutely nothing.
The couple fights about things that are insignificant, which are often referred to as nothing fights.

You bring your fucking jacket. Ya think. Do ya think?
The couple argues over whether or not the person should bring a jacket, even though it's a simple thing that shouldn't be a cause for debate.

Yes. What if they're pumpin' AC in there, and then your cold I have to go out and I miss the previews cause I gotta get your fuckin' jacket. Bring your jacket.
One person is concerned they will get cold in the theater, while the other person is annoyed by their partner's need for a jacket.

I love nothing fights. The best nothing fight I have ever seen in my life.
The singer gets a kick out of arguments/fights over trivial matters.

They're in eachother's face. Ok, and the guy is saying to the girl and he's doing it like this Do we have any jelly in the house? Do we or do we not have jelly. You said we did last time.
The couple in the argument is extremely close to each other, and the man is arguing about whether or not they have jelly in the house.

I'm looking in the cabinets and I dont see any god damn jelly. I just wanna know if we have any jelly in the house.
The man can't find the jelly and is upset about not being able to locate it.

And he's like I dont even give a shit about the hives. I want jelly in the fuckin' house. Stat. Pronto. Tonite. I dont give a--I will break your neck and pour jelly all over your body and pray to the gods of jelly to burn your soul in a jelly like hell. Now get the jelly!
The man is willing to do anything to get his hands on the jelly, including threatening his partner.

This is the point during the nothing fight that I like to get involved. I have to get involved and I have to say something.
The singer enjoys nothing fights and likes to add to the fire by instigating the couple.

Just a little jab, a little poke that will fuel the fire. And help take it to the next level.
The artist likes to make a small comment that will cause the argument to intensify.

As they're going back and forth, I walk buy them, I lean in, and I go like this, hey dude, dude, dude, I know what you mean about the jelly bro. Tell this twat to get jelly. Now.[guy] See, see! Get the jelly-Uh, whats that word again? What, Twat! Good word. Thanks bro. I didnt ev- I forgot about that word. GET THE JELLY TWAT! Great word dude, great word. Twat. Yes.
The artist encourages the man in the argument to keep asking for jelly and uses the word 'twat' to insult the woman.

Contributed by Elena M. Suggest a correction in the comments below.

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